Panic Attack?

What is a panic attack?

Simple. Panicking about panicking.

For years, I have been too good, too proud, and too in control to admit that I have panic attacks.

Now, these attacks are random, often, and more intense than ever.

Why?

Because, just like the brain, there’s only so much the body can take. If I don’t listen to it, it spins out of control.

On a walk a few weeks ago, I had a panic attack. I walked all the way home while trying desperately to calm down. As I walked through the front door, my symptoms got worse. With the help of my doctor, therapist, and sister, I learned that my decision to walk back home created more stress than relief.

So, what was I supposed to do?

Here’s a thought. Stop, find a flower, or something to focus on. Describe that thing using my senses, and stay in the moment until my body feels calm and grounded. Walking home while saying that I was okay was counterproductive. It threw me into a survival mode that attacked my parasympathetic nervous system.

The whole time I was walking back, I was chanting, “You’re okay, it’s okay, breathe…” Sure, this sounds great, but all I was doing was controlling something that didn’t need controlling. That something needed freeing, not control. That thing needed to be assured that I was safe, and there was nothing to worry about because the grass was still green, the sky was still blue, and the smell of dinner cooking in the house around the corner was warm and loving.

Often, we think that psychological or psychosomatic approaches to coping trick us and manipulate reality, when really they teach us to appreciate and recognize how hard our minds and bodies work 24/7 to keep us present, grounded, and safe.

I realize, now, that no matter how much I learn through my therapy and Petra, I still need to find self-compassion and patience while I build self-care practice into my daily life.